The Wedding - The woes of a musician

 

Another Very Silly Story

Ben and Beth go shopping

 

It is Saturday morning. Beth is in bed. Ben is also in bed.

Mummy says “Get up Beth. Get up Ben”

Beth gets up and goes downstairs.

Mummy is still in bed. Mummy had a late night last night.

Beth knows because she saw Uncle Charlie creeping out of the house at five in the morning.

Beth makes a cup of black coffee and has one of mummy’s cigarettes.

She shouts to Ben. “Ben! Get up you lazy little sod”

Ben is tired because he had a hard night with Mary behind the bike sheds.

Ben doesn’t get up.

Beth has the arse ache because mummy said that they have to go to the shop.

Mummy said that they had to get some things from Mr Gupta’s shop.

She gave the money to Ben.

Ben bought some sweets with some of the money.

He used the sweets to bribe Mary to let him see her knickers.

Beth knows about Ben buying the sweets. She thinks that Mary is a little slapper.

Ben comes downstairs. Ben is totally shagged.

Ben makes a phone call to Mary. She is also totally shagged.

Ben says to Beth that Mary wants to go to Mr Gupta’s shop too.

“I like it when Mary comes” said Ben.

“Yes,” says Beth. “That is obvious.”

They set out for the shops. Beth is carrying the shopping bags. The bags are heavy.

“Ben, carry the bags,” says Beth.

Ben doesn’t say anything.

“Ben, carry the bags,” says Beth again.

“Say please,” says Ben. Beth is losing her temper.

“Ben, please carry the bags,” she says.

“Fuck off,” says Ben.

Ben is such a naughty boy.

Beth and Ben walk down the road.

They don’t walk together because Beth has got the hump

Beth often gets the hump with Ben.

Mummy often gets the hump with Ben

Basher Briggs the school bully often gets the hump with Ben.

Clearly, then, Ben is often in deep shit.

Beth and Ben arrive at Mr Gupta’s shop

Mr Gupta sells alcopops and fags in his shop as well as groceries.

Mr Gupta has diversified.

Mr Gupta smiles at Ben.

He smiles at Beth.

“Hello Beth,” says Mr Gupta

“Hello Ben,” he says.

“Hello Mr Gupta,” says Beth. “We have come for some stuff for our mummy.”

Mr Gupta looks at a piece of paper

“I have the list of stuff,” said Mr Gupta.

Beth had an idea.

Beth has a lot of ideas because she is a girl and a smart arse.

Ben does not often have ideas because he is a boy and wears a baseball cap backwards.

Beth asks Mr Gupta to add twenty Bensons and two bottles of alcopops to mummy’s list.

Mr Gupta is not sure but a sale is a sale.

He puts all the groceries into the shopping bag.

Beth puts the cigarettes and the alcopops into her pocket.

Beth has big pockets.

“Let’s go to the park,” says Beth.

“Yes,” said Ben. “Let’s go to the park.”

Ben looks down the road and sees Mary approaching.

“Look!” says Ben. “Mary is coming.”

“Oh no! Not again!” said Beth.

Beth and Ben arrive at the park

Mary arrives at the park.

Mary’s little doggie, Timmy, arrives at the park.

They all arrive at the park.

Beth opens the Bensons.

She gives one to Ben.

“Please, Beth, may I have one too?” says Mary.

Beth pretends not to hear Mary.

Mary asks again.

“Please Beth, may I have one of your cigarettes?” she says.

Ben feels sorry for Mary.

“Go on, Beth,” he says. “Give her one.”

Beth knows that Ben has been giving her one for weeks.

Mary certainly is a little slapper.

Beth, Ben and Mary watch Timmy digging a hole in the ground.

Timmy is such a funny little doggie.

He digs with his little front paws.

Do you have a funny little doggie? I do.

He is such a funny little doggie.

He humps cushions and chairs.

He humps the legs of anyone who comes to our house.

He humps our neighbour’s cat

My little doggie likes humping things.

Ben also likes humping things but he hopes that mummy doesn’t find out.

Ben found a pile of mummy’s naughty magazines under her bed

Mummy looks at the magazines with Uncle Charlie.

Ben got an A+ in sex education at school.

Mary also got an A+

Ben thinks that mummy’s magazines are very informative.